As I sit here at 4 am feeding my son now two weeks old into this world I just can’t help but to feel emotional in so many different ways. I know that a lot of women are super heroes and choose to birth their babies all natural but I am genuinely here to tell you that I am not a super hero and being forced to have my last two babies with no epidural completely traumatized me. So many times I had to hear people tell me “ Oh women have had children for years without an epidural you can do it “ and it made me want to scream. It was like nails on a chalkboard to hear that. It took me a couple of years to open up more about the birth of my daughter because it’s like picking a scab back open to me. I was expecting or prepared for either time I was told I could not have the epidural. I don’t remember any of my daughters first moments when she was born. I was so traumatized after her birth I just held her and stared at her in such disbelief that I had just gone through what I did. It took me a few hours to come back around to myself. I still have to ask my husband what she weighed and her stats. It didn’t end there though and recovery from the damage that was caused by the anesthesiologists lasted a good month after I returned home with our newborn daughter. It took me for seems like forever to get passed it and decide I wanted to have one more child.
We went on and decided to have our baby boy. I didn’t really think that I would again go through ANOTHER traumatizing birth but I did. I had a pregnancy related platelet disorder called thrombocytopenia. It wasn’t a big deal or atleast they didn’t make it seem like it was until closer to the end when my levels kept dropping. My husband and I got to the hospital at 38 weeks so excited because I was in labor. I got all hooked up and ready when the anesthesiologists came in and told me my numbers were too low and risky to get an epidural. This time it would not even be attempted because the risks were just too serious. My hopes and excitement were insanely crushed and then I laid there for the rest of the night naturally progressing and freaking out because I knew what I was going to endure. It was long, hard and beyond painful. I just wanted it to be over and to hold him after hours and hours of driving myself crazy. Nothing is worse than being forced to do something you don’t want to do. After hours of naturally progressing I agreed to induce my labor and have my water broken because I just wanted it to be done and not long after that i got to hold my baby boy and I just cried and cried as I stared at him. The doctor held up his cord and told us just how lucky we were because it was in a knot. I hugged my sweet baby even tighter.
There’s so many other little details I am leaving out because I just feel like they are too much to talk about right now. I feel in my heart I did not want this to be my last child but I just can’t take the chance of another birth like the last two. My body is telling me no. I will truly appreciate and learn to take the long days and nights through every phase of my newborns life with grace as I prepare to accept we will not be having a fourth baby.
I do plan to share each of my children’s full detailed stories here very soon but for now I’d like to start with just this.
Please submit all stories to -
After delivering my son two weeks ago my passion for wanting to start this blog for a little while has become so much more clear. I want this to be a place where we as mothers can talk about our birth stories whether they were amazing or traumatic. We endure so much bringing these sweet babies into this world from the beginning of our positive pregnancy tests all the way through postpartum recovery. It took me quite some time to open up about my daughters birth because I didn’t want to hear certain things people could say because motherhood is a blessing of course but we all have our story.
Sometimes just typing it out or talking to complete strangers about things that have happened to you that were traumatic can be good for your soul. Just to let it out, no judgement passed, no bias opinions, to know you aren’t alone and it’s ok to talk about it no matter how big or small it might sound to you or others.
So here it is, you all will be able to submit your birth stories of any kind because ANY birth story is worth sharing! You will submit your stories by email and you can choose to stay anonymous or you can be credited along with a photo of your choice from your birth with your submission. I will be posting two of your stories submitted each week and they will be shared all across my social accounts.
Remember, you can be completely anonymous!! This is a place for us to not feel alone in our experiences but rather feel connected to other mothers who we might not think have gone through what we have. Let’s chat and be more aware mommas.