Updated: Mar 19
I have been trying to find the time, words and courage to put my birth story on paper and finally with everything going on with the Corona Virus, and the mass hysteria I actually think I will enjoy talking about how I met the love of my life. I made the decision to move to Florida 4 years ago, with no intentions on meeting the love of my life and getting pregnant with our son. We didn’t have anything planned and I worked 12 hour days as a hairstylist, until the day I had him. My water broke at home on Wednesday the 11th at 37 weeks pregnant, after a 13 hour shift. I had been up since 7 that morning but all I can remember was the excitement of packing my hospital bag, calling my family, and stopping at CVS to get snacks while holding a towel between my legs because I wanted a snickers, I was so ready to meet him. I have a bleeding disorder so I had to deliver at a level 1 trauma center. Unfortunately when I got there I found out my doctor was out of the country. I was 4 centimeters dilated with INTENSE back labor, I remember asking Collin to go get a baseball out of the car and press on my back to offset the pain. After 6 hours they finally gave me an epidural but I knew something wasn’t quite right. I felt like I was being hung by hooks in my shoulders and I cried anytime I needed to be moved. I progressed to about 8cm when a mid wife who I never met, came in and told me to start pushing, I pushed for over 2 hours never even being at 10cm. She screamed in my face and told me I wasn’t doing anything right and I would never meet my baby. I was crushed, mentally, physically and emotionally. After 27 hours of being in labor and being awake for almost 2 days I was completely exhausted. Another doctor who I had never met came in to tell me I would never deliver naturally because my birth canal is too small and they started preparing me for a c section. I had to have a plasma transfusion, and blood on standby because they were concerned about me bleeding out. Five and a half hours later, now at 3 in the morning on Friday the 13th, they wheel me into the OR telling me this is going to be the easy part and I would only feel slight discomfort. This is where the real nightmare began.. I remember them asking me if I could feel them poking me and I said yes, they said I was probably just feeling the pressure and they began cutting me. All I can tell you from my delivery is I know what it feels like to be gutted, I screamed with everything in my body. “Please stop stop stop, I can feel everything” and I was shaking uncontrollably. I was not numb for my c section. My body finally shut down and I was in full blown shock, they gave me so much Ketamine because my spinal was not working, that I was hallucinating, In my head I was in a white room with clowns and red paint being splattered on the walls. In the real world a healthy 5 pound 11 ounce 20 inch long baby boy was born and I had no idea. When I first came to I thought I had been in a car accident. I had ZERO idea I just delivered Baker. For about the first 6 hours of his life I screamed and cried I could not get a grip on what had just happened. Finally when I got to hold him after about 30 minutes in recovery I just cried when I saw him I couldn’t believe that I had created something so perfect. I was so overwhelmed with emotions considering everything that had just happened. And I love being a mom more than anything in this world and I would do it all again for him. But after my trauma in that OR at 3:09 a.m. on Friday the 13th 2019 I think I will forever be a different person.